I don't know what "day" it is. I've lost track. I am still trying to eat healthfully, but it has been a very eventful week.
My good good friend is very very sick. She nearly died. I was stunned to find out how unwell she was, and Monday evening passed into Tuesday at the hospital, praying, talking, waiting, Wednesday at her bedside, holding her hand and talking to her sleeping body. It is Thursday and I have been to see her again, reading to her while she is healing in her sleep, spending time with her family, and making sure I spend time with my own family and my little man, who missed me when I was gone, and didn't like all the talking on the phone I was doing, giving out information, posting updates, and being distracted. Her progress is very slow, but it is heading in the right direction, and I am very grateful for that. The world would be a lot grayer without her in it.
I am emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and honestly, exercising is pretty low on my list of important stuff to do. Yesterday I realized at 10:30 at night that it had been more than twelve hours since I had last eaten, so I am taking the time to pack snacks for myself, to remember to eat, and to forgive myself for the junk food I grab when I am too hungry to think clearly.
Am I done with BFL? Not on your life. In fact, it is very important to me to continue to do this program once life calms down a little (just a little, please God, please?), and to start another 12-weeks up again after this one is over. The Pumpkin Run is this Saturday, and while a rather vocal minority in my head thinks that this couldn't happen at a worse time, I will be there, barring disaster (please God). I will be running for me, for my fitness, to show that I can, to show it can be done, to be proud of myself. But I will also be running for another woman who is dear to me.
I will be running for Gretchen. I will be running to be strong for her, because she was happy to see me getting well and healthy, because she was stunned (in a good way) to hear I'd signed up and paid money to run in a race (still sounds weird to me). I will be running because she wouldn't want me to avoid life just because it can be inconvenient sometimes. I will be running so I can go to her with a clear conscience the next day and tell her I did something I've never done before. I will be running to be strong for her, because she has always been so strong for me.
I love you, Gretchen. Come back soon, and be well.