Day Forty

Well, I think it's safe to say I learned some stuff this week.  I learned a couple things today already.

For one, when I go seven hours without eating (due to circumstances beyond my control), I am pretty much going to throw nutrition out the window when all I have left to eat in the house is frozen chicken breasts.  Domino's will be my official BFL food provider at that point, and it will look like portion control to a giant. 

Also, when I feel sick and have a cold....well, see number one again.

And when I'm cranky and hormonal, well, yeah, you  know.  Number one.  Again.

So there you go.  I missed my workout today because I also learned another thing...when I combine two workouts into one really long workout, with running like a maniac and lifting weights like I'm training for the UFC, then I become so sore and bone-weary exhausted that the idea of working out with weights again becomes laughable.

And the last thing, whenever I get to talking or worse yet, bragging about progress I have made, or how long I have stuck with something, anything at all, it's like a guarantee I will screw it up at the earliest possible opportunity.  So....

TA DA!

See you tomorrow. :)

Day Thirty-Eight. Meh.

Bless me, dude, 'cause I am cranky.  It has been about 20 minutes since I last professed crankiness.  Here are my "things".

Thing 1:  I have been overtired all day.

Thing 2:  I ate three (!) Clif bars today and my stomach is not.happy.with.me.

Thing 3:  My hors are moning, to quote from the Sweet Potato Queens by Jill Connor Browne.  In English, my hormones are running rampant like lemmings off a cliff.

Thing 4:  I am so sensitive that I am positive that the Dalai Lama just gave me the finger.  That son of a gun.

Thing 5:  I ate Wendy's tonight.  For spite.  Kind of like eating rat poison and waiting for other people to die.  Aaaaawwweeesooommme and SO proud of the choice I made.

I need absolution.  Or maybe some chocolate.  Or a tazer.  I can't decide which.  So I better go to bed, because this evening has blown royally.  And the only thing that's genuinely the matter is the space between my ears.  Oh well, this too shall pass.  Meh.

Day Thirty

I just elbowed Steve off of the computer.  He's being so annoying, what with all this "studying" and "working" and now he's snapping my picture with the frackin' digital camera because he's laughing at what I'm wearing.  It's not fair!  I'm sufffering from Facebook withdrawal and I missed my blog entry for yesterday because of his *stupid* school stuff...I mean, who really needs to be all smart like that, really??

Things have been ok.  My free day was actually pretty understated (for me).  I didn't feel like digging a deep hole for myself, so I enjoyed myself, but I didn't go out and buy a Buddha carved out of butter or anything (bummer).  I worked out really well yesterday, and I even ran this evening at about 9:45, to make sure I got it in, even though I feel a bit funky and kind of didn't want to do it.

Part of me is bummed, too.  I have been working pretty hard with BFL, and it's been almost a month exactly since I started BFL, and my brain is telling me that I should be right up there with Bar Rafael or something (substitute Linda Evangelista if you have no idea who Bar is).  I know it's going to take some time for my body shape to change, but I am feeling a wee bit impatient.  I don't necessarily want the unreasonable...I just want to see my upper arms shrink down, so those muscles I've worked on can show.  Or maybe that gnarly stomach of mine will stop pooching and slouching everywhere, since I've been lifting weights, running, and doing stomach crunches like a weightlifter who ran out of steroids. 

I think I'm going to tell my head to stuff it, and stop talking to me and telling me this is going nowhere.  I know that's not true, but I feel a little discouraged this evening, for some reason.  I will get some sleep, and be back tomorrow.  I'll see you then!

Day Twenty. Would someone please....

Come over to my house and kick me in the ass, just once? 

Another day down the tubes.  This week has basically been a bust.  Haven't worked out since Thursday.  Food is pretty good now, not so terrible with the nighttime snacking, but I am having a hard time with planning my meals, being mindful of how much time has gone by since I've last eaten, etc. etc. etc.  Today I just feel sick of all this hard work!  I know I won't feel this way forever, but today I'm kind of tired of the whole eat-sleep-breathe-pray BFL.  On the other hand, I can tell I don't feel as good as I had been feeling, when I was making the time to eat every three hours, planning my meals in advance, and exercising.  And, also, I am bummed and aggravated at my lethargy for the past three days in regards to working out.  So really, could you come kick the seat of my pants and help me out here?

I am surrendering this week, as it is, in all its imperfect glory.  I can't do a thing about what has already happened, and all I can do is work on the day I'm in, the moment I'm in.  Since that is about 18 minutes away from my third Free Day (and, of course, I'm not about to give that up), that means I will step back and blow off this week, and come back like gangbusters for this upcoming Monday, the start of Week Four. 

However, I do want to show you what I made for lunch.  It was so good, very healthy, and pretty too!  I went to the farmer's market yet again and this time I made out like a bandit.  I got peppers, tomatoes, heirloom tomatoes, fairytale eggplant, and even the yarn I've been lusting after.  Here is a shot of my loot:

Isn't that gorgeous?  There was so much more I wanted to get.  They have local farmers coming in from all over with so many different things...homegrown, grassfed beef, homemade soap, carved wooden utensils, pottery, etc.  I'm going to try to stick with just the vegetables and fruit, though.

                                     

Ha ha, how'd that get in there!  That's sock yarn from the Three Waters Farm.  It's B-E-A-utiful.  This yarn and I are just starting to get to know each other, so we're not a serious item yet, but I think there will be a date set in the future for it, me, and some sock knitting.  Oh yes, we shall be together, darling, and soon.

Anyway, I cut an heirloom tomato into wedges, and opened a can of tuna.  I made this:

which is tasty enough, especially with a sprinkling of salt all over to bring out the flavor.  But I took it a notch up, with my homemade dressing of equal parts balsamic vinegar, mustard, Splenda, and olive oil.  It sort of destroys the beauty of my lunch, but the taste of it was amazing.  Here you go:

                                     

I am going to ask God to please give me some more gumption for next week.  Maybe I'll ask for a kick in the pants, too.  See you Monday!

Day Nineteen, A few of my favorite things....

I think I figured something out.  This week has been rather lackluster.  I missed a workout on Wednesday, I messed up my eating for a few days straight now (nighttime snacking), and my get up and go has got up and went.  What has changed?  My times for working out, that's what.  I haven't meditated in a few days, either.  I guess taking the time to get up, quietly before dawn, to work out and meditate, really makes the rest of the day go much better.  Otherwise all this regular life stuff gets in the way and I end up too tired to do what I know I need to do, or I make excuses, like tonight--again, I totally didn't exercise. 

I did not start yet another lifestyle change just to discard it after a few weeks.  I do not have that short of an attention span, thank you very much.  I did not just buy new running shoes just to let them collect dust, and so on and so forth.  So, I am re-instituting the good old (dreaded) 5:45am wake up call.  This is just too important to me to piss it away, you know what I mean?

So, on to another topic.  My sister Lynda has visited my blog (hey Lynda!) and told me she liked to see the pictures of what I eat.  I'm always happy to oblige, and I have been taking some shots of things I've been eating that have been delicious/nutritious/beautiful, so I'm going to put 'em up and tell you how some of it was made.  None of this is very difficult to make, and all of it is very tasty.

First up, this one is awesome as a snack, breakfast, whatever.  Start with a half cup of low-fat cottage cheese.  In a separate, microwaveable bowl, dice up an apple, add fresh lemon juice, cinnamon, and Splenda.  Toss and microwave until the apple is to your desired level of stewed.  It's nice if it's just barely heated and the apple is crispy, and it's also good if you nuke it until it is nearly applesauce.  Combine the two, stir, and enjoy.  The apples warm up the cottage cheese, which takes away some of the cheese taste and renders it almost like a riccotta.  It is very nice when you are craving something sweet. 

Next up, one of my most favorite dishes, even before BFL.  Get a grill pan (highly highly recommend All-Clad's grill pan) and heat it thoroughly with olive oil, but do not let it smoke.  Meanwhile slice cleaned zucchinis lengthwise and salt rather liberally.  If you choose to, cut the zucchinis first and salt them and let the liquid render out.  Blot them with paper towels.  Place the zucchinis, cut side down, in the grill pan and go to town on it.  The browner you let it get, the better, flip it over, and repeat.  Continue until the zucchini is cooked through and is soft but not mushy.  It is wonderful, even my two-year old loves these.

Here are the beautiful, teensy "fairytale" eggplant I got at the farmer's market last weekend.  I cut them lengthwise and salted them to bring out the liquid, which relives the bitterness in the eggplants.  I tossed them with a fair bit of olive oil and rosemary and salt.  Here they are before being cooked:

And, after some time spent under the oven's broiler:

                                      

They lose that gorgeous color, but the broiler crisps the skins and makes for a wonderful little side dish.  All of this stuff is really pretty simple, but that's what I'm a fan of.  I don't mind making complicated stuff, but if it gets too tedious, then I'm probably not going to make it!


Other things that have been helpful for me is to make my food look attractive, not like prison slop.  I stop before eating each meal and look over the entire plate to remind myself that the smaller portions I am eating are actually just fine for me, that this is actually quite a bit of food, and that it is beautiful, and on and on.  Steve made my dinner the other night, and just about outdid himself for a simple dish of lean steak, brussels sprouts, and a kiwi.

He is such a show-off, isn't he!  :)

Other things I have started doing since starting BFL has been to label all the leftovers.  It's not because I think I'm going to have trouble identifying a salmon filet or frozen veggies, but because I am so leery of old leftovers getting eaten and all of us getting violently ill.  I admit, after about three or four days I pretty much toss the old stuff.  Steve will eat something until it's all gone, even if it's growing a beard, but I'm just not that way!  So I keep a fine permanent marker and some masking tape in my junk drawer in the kitchen, which is above the good old tupperware cabinet.  I write what it is and the date.  Behold the absolute height of my OCD! 

                                       

I never have to figure out when was the last time I made that casserole, or whatever.  I never used to freak out about that stuff, but when my dad became horribly, severely ill from salmonella, I started really paying attention.  For me, a few extra seconds in storing my food saves me standing in front of the refrigerator days later, doing weird food math.  "So...if it was a full moon and we had friends over, then this meatloaf is from...last Wednesday?"

And, just for grins, here are some cute pictures of my son doing something unheard of (in my opinion):  eating a homegrown tomato!  Note the cut up grilled zucchini on the plate behind him.

                                        

Can you belive that?  And, so you know he's also a fan of my Free Days, here is a clue as to what got eaten last Free Day:

                                        

Good night, everyone.  I am going to get back in the saddle tomorrow.  In the morning.  The very early, predawn, 5:45am morning.  I am getting back in the middle of this thing, so I don't lose out on what I've worked so hard for already!  See you tomorrow!

Day Seventeen...uh, guys?

Hey, it's been a day. 

I hesitate to say a bad one, but let's just say that it took all of me to not run screaming to Belize. 

I didn't get the time to work out today.  I am not happy about it.  :(

I did get some new running shoes...but they are too small.  :(

I meant to write about women's body sizes, but it's way too late and I'm going to have to ask for an extension, folks. 

S'okay with you? 

I will see you tomorrow.

Day Eleven, Bass-ackwards....

Well.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  When I make plans, God is somewhere, chuckling up a storm.  I had all this good intent (yeah, I know the saying) of getting up at 6:30am and getting on the treadmill for my Aerobics Solution workout.  But then Andrew woke up in the night, sniffling, coughing, and pretty dang pitiful.  He had been such a handful (hellion) at school on Wednesday that I actually told him, "I hope you're getting sick, because if this is a new phase you're in, one of us isn't going to make it."  Well, there you go...it's like I'm sort of psychic. 

I went in when he woke up crying and we slept together in his room, but a two-year old kicking and tossing all night, complete with little sniffles and sad sounds, didn't make for a great night's sleep.  I surrendered to the inevitable and turned off the alarm clock in my bedroom so that we could get some sleep together.  The day went fairly ok, except I am now getting that lump in my throat that tells me I am coming down with the funk, too.  Ah, cold and flu season is coming...are you ready?  Would it be considered ironic that I bought vitamins last night, and took my first one today, only to find that I'm getting a cold?  I think it is.

My eating was off today.  I didn't eat anything I wasn't supposed to, but I am very surprised that I didn't take the time last night to plan my menu for today.  I am usually all over that, and I completely forgot.  Guess that means I'm human.  I had planned five out of my six meals for the day, and ended up only eating four meals today after all.  I ate a very tasty breakfast of a fried egg (done in olive oil) over a single piece of unbuttered whole wheat toast, with a plumcot (plum + apricot = plumcot = delicious).  That little entree, with a piece of fruit, is fast becoming one of my most favorite breakfasts.  I think a great twist on that would be to do Egg Beaters on toast with a bit of salsa on top.  I'll have to try it and report back to you. 

I took Andrew through a drive-thru for lunch today, and didn't feel tempted to order anything for myself.  That felt like a mini-triumph, although it was in part because I couldn't smell anything.  Lunch was fine, with a salad of iceberg lettuce and some green pepper and carrot.  A couple sticks of low-fat string cheese to go with it (about 2 ounces total). And then I fell asleep when Andrew went to bed.  And I slept...past the magic window of time I was supposed to eat in (ideally I'm supposed to eat every two to three hours).  When I woke up, it was 4:30pm, and I just went ahead and made dinner.  Dinner was pretty dang good, actually.  A very lean steak, baked sweet potato, and more salad.  I finished up my day with an Odwalla bar at 7:45pm and some water.  I just didn't get all those dang meals in, but I guess it could be worse.

The other thing is, I haven't done my Aerobics Solution today.  It is bugging me, but I feel very tired and I just can't imagine going to the little gym here and getting on the treadmill right now.  I know I should, I know this is bugging me to have not gone, but I also know I'm probably not going to make it today.  So what should I do instead?  Hmmm....I'm not big on punishing myself for a missed workout, and beating myself up about it sure isn't going to solve anything, but I should maybe do something to make up for it.  Perhaps I will not only workout on Saturday, but I will find time on either Saturday or Sunday to swim at the Y, replacing those lost 20 minutes with something else.  I'll sleep on it and see what comes to me.  Sometimes my solution percolates through my brain when I'm in REM (yeah, that's what I tell myself!).

I plan to work out even if I have the funk tomorrow, though.  I enjoy the weight lifting more than I thought I would, which surprises me.  In Body-for-LIFE, you are forewarned that life isn't going to stand still just because you're in the middle of a twelve-week body transformation period.  You're not going to skip out on life while you're working so hard, it's going to keep on happening all around you.  You are warned of speedbumps, of arguments with your spouse, sickness, falling down the stairs, muscle injuries, and on and on.  Part of this program is to teach me to put my self-care as a priority.  Life will always be happening, and if I am going to wait for a lull in the day-to-day business of being alive so that I can finally get in shape, well, that won't happen until someone's standing over me, giving a eulogy.  It's all about making the time and realizing my worth as a person.  That I am worth spending time and energy on to make myself feel better and look better, be stronger and more physically fit, and healthy too.  I missed it today, and I am sorry for that, because I deserve it, and I'm beginning to realize that.  I will do it tomorrow, though, dang it.  I will see you then!

Day Six

It's only about 345pm, but I am pretty much done for the day, and I mean that in a good way. I am proud to report that I have completed my first full week of Body-for-LIFE!

I had a rough night last night (ahem, ahem, andrew). There's a saying: if you want to make God laugh, just tell Him your plans. And oh man was that true last night. I ended up going to bed rather late. Part of it was because I knew there wasn't going to be the alarm going off at 530, but also in part because Andrew went on a sleep strike, the likes of which I haven't seen in quite a while. He just would not go to sleep. He wouldn't have anything to do with it. There was a lot of negotiations, a lot of playing-the-room, a lot of begging (some of it mine), and finally, the cut off. He finally quieted down and even slept a little from about 11:20 to 1:30 am, but then he woke up again, and I went to lay down with him. Steve peeked in on us and just had to come in and say hello (why do guys do this? why?), and Andrew began to get rather chatty and, quite honestly, acrobatic. To make a long story short, after getting kicked in my aching pectoral muscles for the 4,278 time, I decided that, at 3:00 am, that Evil Mommy was going to have to come into play. Dire threats were made, and finally, I told Andrew that he could stay awake all he wanted, but he had to do it in his crib. He wasn't feverish, he said nothing hurt on him, I gave him Motrin anyway, but he just wanted to party all night...and I felt like beating my head on the carpeting until I knocked myself out or gave myself amnesia.

Waking up at 8:00 am this morning, though, wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was groggy and cranky for a little bit, but I suddenly just woke up and had all this crazy energy. We went out and walked to the farmer's market (big shout out to the Carrboro Farmer's Market--they are incredible and they sell yarn there--double win!). We came home and danced to crappy music from the 90s (hello, Vanilla Ice). I snuck out of the house while Andrew was asleep and ran on the elliptical at the apartment complex gym for my 20 minutes Aerobics Solution. I felt a little leery leaving Andrew, but we have a very good fire alarm, and he sleeps like the dead. Eh, maybe I won't do that again, but I didn't want to work out again at 10:30 at night.

I'm off to grab a snack and get ready for dinner. I'm going to hang out with some friends later tonight, and I'm going to treat myself when we all go out to the nearby not-so-greasy spoon. I'm going to have a Diet Coke. w00t!

But for tomorrow, my first Free Day...let me think...I suppose my Bisquick mix is going to be making it out of the pantry for breakfast, I can tell you that...and I think I'm going to be making a little peanut butter popcorn for TV watching tomorrow night...don't wait up! See you Monday!


****later****

OK, I have to check back in and write this out, because my head is definitely talking to me. I went out and hung out with some friends, and two of the guys in the group started talking about their cravings for fast food joints. McDonalds this, Arby's that, yadda yadda yadda. They talked about what item they just can't resist, and, since they were right next to me, I voiced that I do have a fondness for Burger King's Whoppers, which they wholeheartedly agreed with, and we agreed the fries suck. The point? I'm getting to it right now. Out of nowhere, after a couple of short exchanges in this vein, the older of the two said to me:

"Yeah, well, lucky you're married."

Uh, what? Is there some connection here I am supposed to immediately get? First off, I am engaged, not married, although I consider it the same thing, in view of our living arrangement. But the dinger is why am I lucky I'm married? Because I like fast food? No wait, I get it, you just spoke up from your inner (shortsighted) opinion that, since I am fat, I am lucky I'm married. It came up for you because I was talking to you about shitty fast food, and you looked at my body, and assumed that's all I think about. I'm so sorry I tried to partake in your conversation, what was I thinking? What a waste of my time.

I just find this little remark very interesting. It doesn't matter that I am smart, witty, can teach myself how to do things like knit or play piano, am a good mother, am well-versed in history, I'm likable, or any of that other stuff. None of these other attributes could have possibly contributed to the fact that I am where I am in life. Just cause I'm fat, I'm lucky I'm married.

I read you loud and clear. You're lucky I'm smart like that, asshole.