Friday, August 28, 2009

Day Twelve, Recommit

I feel so much better today.  Not necessarily because I got a boatload of sleep (I sure didn't--about 4 interrupted hours worth), or that I don't feel like I have the funk anymore (still low-level throat funk), but I do feel better because I got up and worked out this morning and ate well all day.  It feels good to know that I can have a crap day (yesterday) and still get back on the horse the next day without petering out and throwing the whole plan out.  Because that's what I tend to do.  I used to have to work out everyday, rain or shine, and if I missed a day, then I had a very good chance of communing with the couch until my butt was a double-wide.  It's true, you know what they say:  To thine own self be true.

I even got some meditaion in today, which had been hard to schedule for me.  Somehow today I felt like I was better able to still my mind.  It was still ferreting around in there, snuffling in the corners, but it wasn't quite the high-quality hailstorm of random thoughts that it had been.  I was really enjoying the different quality of stillness. I don't normally meditate (or, at least, I never really did it regularly before starting BFL), and when I would try it would be kind of uncomfortable for me, because, since I couldn't do it perfectly right out of the gate, I would get frustrated and irritated during the whole thing.  Call it a hunch, but I don't think mentally berating yourself will help you get inner peace.  Yes, grasshopper, see much you do. 

Today, though, I felt the slightest bit of stillness in there, though, and it was really nice.  There just isn't much time in my day where I get to be still.  There's always something going on, someone needing me, or me just needing to do something, anything.  Even going to bed is orchestrated by reading until I'm cross-eyed and exhausted, so when I turn out the light and roll over, there is no quiet time, just coma.

Tomorrow is the end of my second week in BFL, and I am planning on some reckoning.  I will be breaking out the tape measure again and hopping on ye olde Sir Scale (ours is quite ancient) to see what my progress has been.  I'm not expecting to have moved mountains, but I'd like to get an idea of what is realistic for me in two weeks of mindfulness and hard work.  So, like, losing 5 inches on all my parts is what I'm expecting--JUST KIDDING!  It will be good to chart my progress, and I'm going to aim for doing this every two weeks, rather than every week like some programs do.  Then (for me) it won't be so much about the number on the scale, but more like an overall look at how my body has changed.  I'm interested and excited to see what the numbers have to say.  I'm glad I worked hard and ate well today!  I'll do it again tomorrow, see you then!

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