Day Two

It's funny, the alarm clock went off this morning at 5:45am again, and it took me about a minute to figure out why the hell I had set the alarm at all, let alone that early. Slowly it came back to me...Body-for-LIFE, day two! There was a strong urge to lay back down in the bed, especially as Andrew woke up at 3:45, and I woke up again at 4:45 (all that damn water drinking is playing havoc with sleep). I asked for some strength to get up and go, and then I got up. I struggled into my gym clothes and set out for my first aerobics workout.

We are fortunate that there is a gym-like room at the office of our apartment complex. The machinery looks like it's from the late 80s or early 90s (and smells like it hasn't been disinfected since then), and there is an elliptical machine, a stationary bike, two treadmills, but sadly no dumbells or free weights. I plan to use the complex gym for aerobics days, and eventually get really inspired and walk or run to the nearby YMCA to use their stuff. But first things first....

I owned, pwned, PWND! this workout. I really was struggling at the end, at that "high point", where you aim for an intensity of 9 for one minute, and then an intensity of 10, trying to call on that strong desire for fitness to override your body's quaking, whimpering (or screaming) desire to slow down, or better yet, STOP! I had to close my eyes for the last couple of minutes to not stare at the timer on the elliptical. Amazing how long a few seconds are, how 10 seconds feels like a full minute, when you are so out of shape and are sweating like a pig. But I did it, and I know that I pushed it as hard as I (safely) could. For the first time in my whole life, there was a moment where I was afraid that I would keel over of a stroke or something, and my sweaty, stinky corpse wouldn't be discovered for a few hours, but I survived (obviously.). But it's interesting to me, to have that fear creep into my mind for the first time. To be afraid that being active might cause me to need an ambulance and a paramedic. A yucky first, and hopefully I won't have to think about that ever again.

I worked up a good, honest sweat and trudged home to the shower and spent some time again today practicing meditation. It's a little choppy, like gravel is kinda bumpy, but maybe I will do better tomorrow. I am starting with five minutes, so I set the microwave timer to six minutes since it takes me a few moments to sit and I start with a simple prayer and then try to empty my mind of all the crumbs of junk that accumulate. Today was pretty funky...I started thinking of anything and everything, and then got fixated on the fact that I must have been "meditating" for over five minutes by...and why hasn't the timer dinged? I ended up getting up and walking to the microwave only to find out that I had about a minute left to attain nirvana. Hah, so much for my inner sense of time.

Food today was pretty good, but I admit I am a bit hungry today. I am telling myself that that very faint gnawing feeling in my stomach is my body's way of telling me that, if I don't eat more unneccessary food, that it will have to delve into my fat stores. When I think of it that way, I'm quite happy to keep going and let the fat globules suffer a little genocide. Your days are numbered, suckers. I had Egg Beaters this morning, pretty good with salsa on top, and had a really tasty dinner. I had a salmon fillet--and I love salmon, but hardly ever get it because it always seems so expenive, and a plain sweet potato, cooked in the microwave, and the kale again. I used to drown my baked sweet potatoes in butter and salt, and thought it tasted so good (and who am I kidding, it totally does), but when I ate it plain tonight, it actually tasted really pretty good. It was a surprise. I am going to go and try making a chocolate protein shake smoothie concoction after Andrew goes to bed. I shanghaied Steve into staying up all afternoon and evening to help with Andrew and help me put him to bed...actually he totally is doing the whole bedtime routine! I better get in there and say good night. I am glad to have another day done, and done well. I will do it again tomorrow. See you then!