Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Day Sixteen, Action and Gratitude

I find it interesting how many times I have lazed around, thinking to myself and not doing much of anything about it.  It's totally normal for me to daydream, to have these fantastic dreams of hiking a mountain, running a race, being able to gallop on a horse, give my acceptance speech for my Lifetime Achievement Academy Award (uh, well, maybe not that one...).  But those vaporous thoughts dissolve and disappear when I don't take conscious action and take steps, even tiny ones, towards making them realities.  I would be sitting on the couch, stuffing my face with Dove bars, watching TV and bemoaning how I felt fat and looked fat.  Then I would be daydreaming of having six-pack abs and being able to run with just a sports bra and shorts on and looking fabulous.  This was a pretty frequent fantasy for me.  I swear I daydreamed that one so many times, and with such intensity, that I'm guessing I could have spent all that energy on doing something and I could have lost the weight two times over with all the thinking I did about it.  But, without action, thoughts come to nought. 

I got to thinking about this because of that little list I wrote last night.  One of the things I wanted to do, to run or walk a race for a good cause, came up today.  My friend at work had these kooky socks on and I remembered she got them from running in a race.  So I asked her about it, and it turns out it's coming up in November.  For me, taking the time to write the list, to pull the vapors out of my head, where they roll around like marbles, and putting it on paper, setting an intention (so to speak), and voila, suddenly there's an opportunity for me to try something I've always wanted to do, but never put action towards.  It's a small step, but steps add up, and distances get covered, and suddenly I'm somewhere I never thought I would be, somewhere I never thought I could get to.

I'm grateful for the actions I have decided to do.  I'm grateful that my body is able to make a U-turn and slowly climb the hill back to being fit and healthy.  I'm pretty dang grateful that it's not taking as long as I thought it would to stop feeling so sore and tired--I had more energy just a few short days into BFL.  I'm also mindful that I am just barely starting this journey, so I'm not even close to giving any kind of acceptance speech! 

Food went well today, and I had to make a special effort to not let more than three hours go by without eating something.  I don't know about you, but I get almost crazed when I'm overhungry and in the presence of food.  Portions get larger, and then I add more types of food, and suddenly the butter is coming out, and it gets foggy, and then I practically come to, overstuffed and chagrined.  I'm only kidding a little.  With working and having my two-year old, sometimes it's easier to put myself last and just wait until a more convenient time to eat.  I pack a snack for myself at work, but it's hard to find time when kids are trooping in and out and it gets hectic, and sometimes I feel a little embarassed to ask for a moment to go eat.   It's one thing to take a break to go feed your kid, but another to be like, "hey, if you don't mind, can I go leave you here and eat a little snack?"  Fortunately I have very nice coworkers who know what I'm trying to do, but it's still striking me as a little humorous and embarassing. 

I ended up eating carrots (furtively) out of a baggie while watching the kids run around.  It is hilarious to me how small children wander up and ask, "what are you eating?" when they can fully see what you have.  One older child, a girl who I know well, asked me and I (just for grins) said back, "well, what does it look like to you?"  "It's carrots," she said.  Ding ding ding, we have a winner!  Even funnier is the fact that they all were watching me (there were four kids there, two four-year olds and two two-year olds) as if I were eating a fudgesicle covered in whipped cream.  My son even wandered over and demanded a bite of raw carrot--this child won't eat carrots, period, but let him see me eat it and not look like I want to share, and suddenly  it's all he's ever wanted his entire life.  I ended up sharing carrots with Andrew and his friend, Katie, who is also two.  And they actually ate them.  Who knew?!  Maybe next time I want Andrew to try a new food, I just have to act like it's just for me and I'm trying to eat it in front of him without sharing.  Maybe that's the secret to feeding two-year olds....

I ran on ye olde treadmill today, and I think it's fair to say I'm not getting any faster, but that's ok.  The speeds I am running and walking at are just right for me, and I never was a very good runner in high school, either, when I did track and field.  I used to joke that I was built for neither speed nor distance, and apparently that is still true. 

To quote Scarlett O'Hara, tomorrow is another day, and I'll see you then!

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